successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
