You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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