Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
