You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
