The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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