i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
