cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
No stitches, just platelets and will power
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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