Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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