A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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