woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
