know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
