He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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