I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
