I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
