She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
