i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
