Screwed.edu
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
