so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
