so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
