can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Randomize
