I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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