yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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