I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
