And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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