he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
