Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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