My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
