I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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