put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
