do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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