take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
