he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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