this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
