It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
