Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
