can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
