I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
