I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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