yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
now i know why i became what i already was.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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