So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I checked into jail on foursquare
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
