We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
