How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
