I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
