Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
