We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
