wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
