I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
