he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
