i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
