I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
