Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
