I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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