let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
