mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
