I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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