Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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