It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Please don't give away my fajitas
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