in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
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