after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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