I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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