its not stalking. its research.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
