Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
he was CRYING into my vagina
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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