my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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