i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
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