My cat gives me a boner
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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