I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
