i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
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