I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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