Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
