He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
