so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
