Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
